DRUMS ARE FOR PARADES: ‘IMPERIVM’
‘The Heart Is A Drum’
Ever seen ‘Eduardo Manostijeras II’, the Spanish, unauthorised sequel to ‘Edward Scissorhands’? It was like, part musical, and it featured a scene in which Eduardo (Alfonso Carajo) uses his scissorhands to perform a sex change operation on himself, singing all the while to keep from passing out. Check it out if you can track it down.
The kind of ditty which makes you wonder, ‘Do paedophiles dream of vaginae dentatae with braces?’ Fun fact: although there are no documented sightings, it is theoretically possible for a tooth-containing dermoid cyst to develop in a woman’s vagina. Swell!
DAFP’s Mom, calling The Subs’ Mom: ‘Vanessa? It’s Astrid, from next door. Listen, nothing personal, but I don’t want your kids hanging out with my kids anymore, okay? Every time they come over, the house smells kinda funny, like they’ve been burning something, and spoons disappear from my kitchen drawer. Also, I found a hole in my cellar that seems to lead straight down to the center of the earth.’
…In which Lordi and MC Hammer teleport themselves back to early 1986, nuke the studio in which Aerosmith and Run DMC are tracking ‘Walk This Way’, and attempt to record the first commercially succesful rap/rock crossover song ever. Naturally, things go horribly, beautifully awry.
‘Enjoy Your Psychosis’
Hey kids, let’s play ‘Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon’!
DAFP recorded ‘Enjoy Your Psychosis’ with Chris Goss from Masters Of Reality, whose song ‘Rabbit One’ was featured in the movie ‘Gone Baby Gone’ by Ben Affleck, who was in ‘Good Will Hunting’ with Matt Damon, who was in ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ with Julia Roberts, who was in ‘Flatliners’ with Kevin Bacon.
DAFP’s Bacon number is 5.
That’s actually pretty weak.
‘Fuck Like A Beast’ (W.A.S.P. cover)
Seems DAFP are unable to record a song with the word ‘Beast’ in the title without having Younes Faltakh (The Hickey Underworld) slobbering all over it. Note, too, how the shock value of the title is almost immediately undermined by the coy use of the word ‘ladies’ in the first verse. W.A.S.P.: gentlemen first, rapists second.